| CCSM's
OPEN ADOPTION PHILOSOPHY
CSSM advocates open adoption and child-centered
adoption. In an open adoption a child is able to get immediate
answers when questions arise. She can feel confident and comfortable
(instead of disloyal) by being curious or inquisitive about her
birthparents. She is encouraged to care about her adoptive family
and her birth family. She has a sense of belonging because she
knows her birthparents selected her parents.
Birthparents who experience open adoption are
much more at peace with their decision and are better able to
process their feelings of grief. The birthmother (and birthfather,
if he is actively involved) has selected and met the family and
has the opportunity for ongoing contact over the years. The birthparents
can feel positive about giving the child the gift of life. Remember,
what birthparents relinquish is not their connection to the child.
That can never be relinquished. But what they do relinquish are
the rights and responsibilities of parenting. Birthparents make
the decision to place their child adoptively because they think
it is the best and wisest decision for their child.
Most adoptive parents who have experienced open
adoption feel a genuine sense of closeness to the birthparents.
They feel honored that birthparents have chosen them to parent
their child. They feel open adoption will help to convey adoption
information positively, and can explain that the birthparents
took part in planning for their child’s future by making
a meaningful plan based on the child’s best interests. For
the adoptive parents, open adoption helps to enhance bonding and
entitlement, both vital to healthy parenting.
Characteristics that may help an open adoption
to be successful include the following:
Assertiveness: To take care
of needs as well as be sensitive to the needs of others. It
helps to establish, maintain, and respect interpersonal boundaries.
Honesty, kindness, humor, and politeness
Good communication and problem-solving
skills: To express preferences without being demanding,
as well as being able to listen to others when they express
theirs, which helps to work through issues.
Openness through Catholic Social Services will
mean that everyone will be involved in the process, adoptive parents,
birth family—all are open to meeting and talking with each
other prior to and after placement, because all believe it is
in the child’s best interest. Openness promotes lifelong
relationships, but is not to be confused with co-parenting. CSSM’s
philosophy involves having contact through letters, pictures,
phone calls, and seasonal visits. We believe that adoptive families
are made of heart and soul instead of biology and genes. The more
heart and soul you bring to the process, the richer your family
life is going to be.
Excerpts from “Children of Open Adoption”
by Kathleen Silber and Pat Dorner and “A Letter to Adoptive
Parents on Open Adoption” by Randy Severson
"Catholic Social Services provided
the resources and people to answer my questions and concerns with
the adoption process. Without them I would have never have been
able to make the biggest decision of my life. I am so thankful
for such wonderful and caring people at CSSM." Cathleen
Stephens, Birthmother
"Being a birthmother has been one of
the most rewarding experiences of my life. It's not every day
that one could share a gift as precious as a child.”
Amber Keeland, Birthmother
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